I'M COMING OUT AND I'M BACK DARLINGS!

OK-I am back by my own popular demand!

ah DAHLINGS....it has been a long, cold winter and as the weather gets warmer I feel the need to kick the snugglie and post messages mostly to myself.

Lot has happened since we last logged on. Lauren is leaving The Hills, Real Housewives of NY added a new desperate participant who looks lovely in Hunter boots with her horsey, pearly whites and Kim Kardashian had her nose done-oh come on! She looks glorious but a year ago she was a just a semi pretty exotic girl with a nice derriere, big bazooka's and that was all, darlings. She actually looked a lot like the cuchicuchi but in a more mysterious, darker way...ai yay yi!

I feel the need to start posting amazing things to get you all to join me once again as View From The Fourth Row glamorized me so beautifully. I will be strumming my guitar, curling my already curly locks and tapping my OPI Hot Shorts nails waiting for your posts.

until then...

DARLINGS!

I have awaken from the dot.com/bomb.com sleep and have been inspired by someone who wrote me and asked me where the hell I've been. I can't mourn the death of YSL and Cyd Charisse forever!

Darlings: what do we think about The Hills moving to London with Daisy Lowe? Who? Exactly. But ain't she Gavin Rossdale's love child? That counts? And how about all of these relative unknowns for the Hills NY-sounds odd.What Hills, NY? SHort Hills? THat's New Jersey darlings and I am not going there!
Olivia Palermo fascinates me. A pretty girl.But a FAUX-Socialite. FAUX-sho-lite Yeah? Her dad is a loser or a thief or a liar and has no real blue blood money-her name ends in a vowel! Socialites names do not end in VOWEL people, COME ON! Its exciting because we haven't had a lying socialite since the Sykes sisters and thats been ages now! Another bunch of liars as Lucy always insisted she was Plum's Twin (Lucy looks about 49 and Plum about 35...hmmmmm.)
What else-oh yes. Then the girls have crazy made-up jobs on the new spin off. Things that make you go hmmmmmmm. One works at Bergdorfs? Now...why would they get involved with that? Seems odd or not. I like the chick who's name is Kamala her last name is Bernstein! GET INTO THAT, DARLINGS!
Why is everthing so friggin expensive? Everything i want? Thanks to God i do not have to motor in my cuchi cuchi heels to Manhattan because I would be able to afford GAS. I can't afford Chanel or GAS. That's pathetic. Well, where there's an undying will there's a way. I am absolutely clamoring for Gucci Fall, Chanel at any time and this GREY MINK Kors cardigan. isn't that divine and outrageous! OUTRAGEOUS!
good evening sweet darlings. I am setting up tivo now for Stylista on the CW. I wonder if Meena Garcia will hate the rug being pulled out from under her Louboutin feet...after all,she is moving to Lifetime and Murray Claire-and does anyone read that????
101idees or ideas?How about 5 good ones and I will leave it at that! Aiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiyyyyyyiiiiaaaaaaaaiiiiiii!

Buenos noches mon petite chou's!

-Charocuchicuchi

Eve...not Yves

Ah...dahlings...i have finally started to thaw out from winter's chill and can remove my rollers and let my long, fabulous hair hang down. I removed my cha cha slide heels and can walk out onto the street and start to wreak havoc.
I have stumbled on a potential problem at work. Someone is trying to steal the spotlight from the cuchi. Someone is trying to upstage the latin muse! Someone younger, someone who pretends often that she's a friend, fan...someone who secretly goes into meetings with Mein Heir editrix when I dont know about it and suddenly emerges with projects or things that should be relayed to the singer of love songs on flamenco guitar first. We'll call this modern day EVE, Doris.

I'm not sure if I should move the mariachi band out of dodge or push Doris down a flight of stairs and she's trying to do to me.
Horoscopes indicate it's Charocuchicuchi's time to shine but ai-yay-yi, all roads are leading in different directions. What to do ?Latin thunderbolt's always win against ice. Or does none of this matter at all? Should I be focusing on things more important like...yellow rice and black beans? Does it REALLY matter?

thoughts? Let it go? What to do?

Cuchi needs to go to bed. Sweet dreams.

Ah, my darlings! Whoever is responding to me...gracias! The Cuchi is appreciative.

Discuss:

RAMONA. What the fuck is up with that deranged chick? Where did they find HER? I have never quite seen a tirade like that before. What's the dealio with the husband? He can't stand her either. He's never home. She's really like the new Phyllis. Remember that show from the late 70's-spinoff from the Mary Tyler Moore show? But where Cloris Leachman was amazing, chic and FUNNY this one is sooooooooooooooooooo tacky. Completely vile (dancing shots?) and her whole tirade was completely off the hook and so wickedly FIERCE!
The Countess-does she think the Count is faithful after all this time? when he's not there...you know exactly where he is. She was so mean to her kid-he deserves to go medieval on that stupid house. He outed his sister last week, he's on the fast track.
Alex and the homo-what is up with those two? no one could give two shits when they arrived at Lincoln Center in their STRETCH LIMO-who orders those anymore? And what's this I hear about nude pictures of Alex surfacing? God. You know homo took the shots. They're so vile as well as and i hate to say it, petite Francoise who doesn't know what the fucking language he's suppose to answer his parents with. He's going to need some bodyguard protection at Lycee Francais because you know if Pax and Maddox Jolie-Pitt go back to school there, they will kick this kid's ass.
Which leads me to Bethenney. I have no idea where she got the spelling, why she's even on the show. She's not married. she seems to be the only one though that people in Manhattan seem to know. Her tortured and TIRED gay boyfriend with three kids got fired from his job because they didn't approve his appearing on the show? Are these people mindless? Did they not read the release? (No, they did not).
Which leaves Jill. kind of like her in a joy Behar kind of way.
Don't want it to end...they only ordered like 6 episodes. because there are only a five people watching. Oh well.

I would like to rant about my work conditions for a moment. i will give this a minute. I am so sick and tired of my boss completely going diva on my ass. It bugs the shit out of me. I love working there but she suddenly turned from simple and EASY to a complete, spoiled rotten...BORE. I expected more. And always get...less.

That's all I have. xoxo

Ramona, The Countess and the Lezzbot

Ok-my Cuchi's. Why can't I stop watching Real Housewives. My two blogging friends agree-hello, darlings. Bethanny-what's her dealio? What's with that Michael Jackson, circa "Leave me Alone" video nose? WHY is she on the show? She is dating a guy who not only could give a shit about her, I think his issue is he has dick on the brain! He wants a man! not some tired chef or dietician, whatever she is. I ask...why is she on the show? Bravo!... the visual I don't need my little chihuahua's seeing or hearing about are the few soon to be dried up, non fertile eggs Bethanny's uterus is carrying.

The Countess...who doesn't love her intentions and choreographer Cylone? Breakdancing is not going to solve his little problems, dear. Sorry. He has no presence, no style. The kid almost smashed into the railing on the staircase when he was popping. Does The Count give a shit about his kids? The talentless brother outing the sister at dinner was kinda precious and few. He obviously knows what goes on with those afterschool specials in her room.
Can Ramona shut the fuck up? Can she also dress appropriately because honey child, no amount of micro dermabrasion or botox is hiding that fact that she's an old, bitter, dried up stage mother. I was feeling sorry for Avery the daughter for a moment and then got over it when her stupid, loud mouth friend started rattling off how retarded and uncool her own mother was. She needs a slap across that face. Notice how the disco dance party wasn't filmed? one thing sacred. The other parents must think it's bad enough that Ramona attends the same school but to bring in a camera crew to a dance and film them-veto!

The hotel manager Homo and his really unattractive wife are beginning to make me think about going medieval on them both IF i see them on the streets. Gross. She needs to eat a meal and a spine and he needs to have sex with a man. Can we help this man? And make that a french speaking one. Nice gesture with the Love Boat crusie but why did all the people on the birthday boat look like they didn't even know her or care to be there?

Jill. Isnt she the best? the Joy Behar of the pack. She's so tacky, so repugnant, annoying. The thing is this...as i sit in my hacienda and smell olives on the vine...I think about my life...why oh why in the world would I want any of that? These women are so annoying and sad, what makes me long for anything they have? I'm not jealous, I'm not longing for what they have. Theyre all tremendously tacky.

THE HILLS!
Ok-why is Lauren so pathetic? Why is she in the same class as She Pratt? And why does Whitney have that weird thing going in her speech? "I'm going-k to miss you." Her g's have k's at the end of them. Whaa? Is she a dipshit for leaving Lisa Love without having the offer from cutrone? i know she's financed by poppa but puleeeze!
Can we get a new man for Heidi? Spencer is annoying, ugly and tired. Stale as bread.
Cutrone. Cu-torture!
Spin her off immediately.
Ah...cuchicuchi needs her beauty rest. Please continue to post and sing with me...buenos nochas, buenos nochas...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Ah...Charocuchicuchi is so sleepy...but before I set my hair in rollers I must awaken and DISCUSS The Hills! What a major event! The most important return to television EVER! Let's cut to the chase: this is like a star wars love story...

-Heidi Montag: almost completely unrecognizable! Go Heidi, get your nose done, Go Heidi...I am living for her stepfather who was having none of Spencer! (And Heidi, who may be the REAL star of this show-dropped her NEW single. Does everyone have to be a triple threat? ...I wasted three minutes of my life for that..and won't again...)

-Lauren:she is going to work for KELLY CUTRONE? KELLY COU-TORTURE? Is she smoking crack? Kelly ripped Lauren a new crevice last year...and she wants more? Oh Lauren, all the ladies from the Real Housewives of the OC are WAITING for you!!! Time to retire or work on a new expression, or eating because girlfriend is too thin...or work on your line...it needs it, babes. just being honest. Can't wait for Kelly to sit and watch Lauren at work. Who will cry first? She cried when she tried to do stitching on her Ferretti dress....

WAIT! CAN WE ALL STOP BREATHING AND REFLECT ON THE FOXY-MORONS ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES ON NYC? WHY IS
BETTHANY ON THIS SHOW? SHE AIN'T MARRIED AND THAT HOMO IS NOT MARRYING HER. SPEAKING OF HOMO'S-THE HOTEL MANAGER WHO SPEAKS IN OTHER LANGUAGES AND WEARS UGLY,BORROWED CAVALLI AND SAYS HE PLUNKS DOWN CASH FOR? THE KIDS NEED TO STAGE A MINI REVOLUTION AND TAKE OVER. TOO MANY TRANSPLANTS TOO. NO ONE IS A TRUE BLUE MANHATTANITE...COUNTESS!!!!!I CAN'T STOP!! BUT I MUST....

Back to The Hills: Whitney...poor, boring Whitney. Who cares except the nice people. Audrina missing but on the phone.

KIMBALL HASTINGS: so bitchy...and that bitch left to work VIP at Ralph Lauren Collection. Be nice to Whitney, boy...she's a designer now....and p.s. Why would you ever give that TVogue gig up? BECAUSE TEEN VOGUE PULLED THE PLUG ON THE HILLS SO BEE CAN RELAX AN RECLAIM HER BORING, PULSELESS THRONE WITH MAMA.

She-Pratt: kind of special. What's her dealio? What does she want? A fashion line at Kitson? YIkes.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....oohhhh....so much more but so little time, darlings.

Party on. We miss you VIEW FROM THE FOURTH ROW! Watch me milk it! Mooooooo!

Aiyayayayai!

-CUCHICUCHI

-

BITCHES!

Charocuchicuchi was off at a rehab with Dr. Drew and Phil taking a much needed break. It's been a while and I haven't posted a thing. I kind of worked thru my withdrawal with Chyna Doll and Jeff Conaway (God! What a waste! i lovvvvvved him-ai yay yai!) from View from The Fourth Row. My cell was quilted Chanel beige and while my guitar gently wept in the corner because I couldnt bring myself to play it....I realized it's time to snap the fuck out of it and deal.

A few questions I needed to throw out there...

Why does KCD treat me like shit? Really now. I just can't fucking stand it. The sneering...the tone...that air kiss that's not really meant to be planted anywhere near the cheek. This also goes for pr insulting and other shit houses located across the pond...

Why has Lauren abandoned Teen Vogue ( I say Bee and Co. were pissed that LC is becoming bigger than her internship and she couldnt stand it-"Mummy, fire the bitch!") and why is Whitney thinking about working for Kelly Cutrone?

Why is the promo for The Hills the most important and exciting 3 minutes on television?

Why does everyone call Nina-Meana-behind and infront of her back?

Where the hell was TT during all of this? She fell off the radar..

And why have totally heinous people suddenly resurfaced in top jobs????

I'm still detoxing...so if anyone can send me a note of love and answers to any of this shit, i would appreciate it!

Ciao Ciao!!!

-cuchi2