What a B*O*R*E!

I think my boobs SAG'd while I watched the SAG awards. Didn't they learn something about this strike? That maybe everything should maybe cool down for a few minutes, seasons and stop the spinning out of control. I sat at the TV with my lacy slip dress and my high teased hair waiting for a great red carpet. Oh boy-far from it. Hours and hours of nothing. Yards and yards of flat, matte fabric. Sequins. Tired bugle beads. Oy. The Love Boat episode with those croaked or fossils Halston, Beene and Bob Mackie was more exciting! (Well, what's not to love about that?..Come to think about it...I think I was on that episode! Ayiiiiayayyi!)

Ok-Angelina Jolie-definitely pregnant. The vintage Hermes dress was lovely but didn't JLO do that thing with the Cavalli dress? This story is as stale as old Wonderbread! We all know that the uber couple is waiting for cash from People or Ok! SUCKERS! People got the first pregnancy for nothing and now they're counting their pennies-will it pay off to be given to them which will then be given to their charity. Hmmmmm...

Debra Messing: kind of can't friggin stand her. Too precious for me. And apparently everyone hates her. Not pleasant to work with. Oh for chrissakes! Didn't she do a hair dye commercial singing Natural Woman? And then star in several bad Fox TV shows? Debra get over yourself!!! BUT i did love the Oscar De La Renta gown. And that crazy hair for the incoming rain was kind of clever. But she had that model puss on her-that mean Tyra look in her eyes. Like when Tyra use to model-she was soooooooo mean and angry walking the runway. she would freeze you!

Brittany Snow, Becki Newton,Eva Longoria, Christina Applegate (such a wholesome name for a wicked slut!)-they were all pretty but all the same look. The fun was listening to both Longoria and Snow mispronounce the names of the designers who lent or gave them $1400-$14,000 dresses! Idiots. Stupid is as stupid does. You have four things to remember. Dress, bag, jewels, shoes. Write it on the back of your diamante'd clutch...dumb cows!

Colored satin and silk dupioni on the others. Such a snooze...I'm falling asleep typing this.

Jane Krackheadowski? What the hell was that? Uglllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly! Bad color, bad arts and crafts and bad posture! God-get it together girls! Stick with Kors, sweetie. Sandra oh-no. What is happening here? Is she just an interesting actor on TV and a complete mess of a person. Who commissions someone from Koreatown to make a gown and try to call it COUTURE! It looked like something you put pots and pans on...use your words carefully, ladies! See? See how important these writers ARE???????????????????????????????????????

What else was annoying? Oh the whole damn exercise! Where were the casts of The Real Wives of the OC? I mean, don't you like that cast? Where were the Kardashian's and why didnt they get Doctor Phil to just come on and reconcile Heidi and LC from The Hills???? Throw in Kristin Calamari too! Or Lo with Justin Bobby?????? Where were all of these exciting people? These are the shows that people watch? You don't think that half that audience wasn't glued to the season finale of The Real Wives???? Beoootch-please! Don't the Real Wives all have their SAG cards??? Well, maybe not their union cards...but they're definitely all sagging and looking a lil haggard. Which brings me back to my saggy golden globes....these babies need a lift! Next show, papi chulo!

I will be very busy preparing myself and my marachaaaaaas for the special award show tomorrow night-The SAG awards. See you on the red carpet, cuchi cuchi coooooooooooooo!!!!


xoxo

Lusting for Louboutin's!

Ok-cha cha cha! If I were a shoe...this would be me! Can you get into this? Can't you kind of envision me...Charocuchicuchi sitting on a stool, singing songs of love and that shoe peeps out under my many ruffles?????? You know, hot mama is already bitter because there's some massive pre-order at Saks. God! It's hot!

I'm so mad that Oprah's wearing them now and that homewrecking, plagarist Jessica Sklar-feld presented Oprah with 20-ish pairs!?! Buying yourself an "in"? (I actually don't know why im ranting on her...I don't give a rats ass about her...but she annoys me somehow. Must be the way she got married to that theatre heir and one day after seeing Seinfeld she switches gears and is out of love with the theatre and in the arms of hmmmm the most important man in television...Starfucking poster girl! You kind of have to admire her...ish. Actually, not really.

It's funny how quickly it takes me to turn on people. I use to love love love certain people, press people, actors, celebs and now it's like I hiss and spit venom at the sound of their name. Naming names....HMMMMMMM...Kate Bosworth. What is with this loony? she seems really SAD. it 's like, lighten up=sweets. You act, you do ad campaigns...what's so bad? Can't find LOVE? Well, maybe if you smiled once in a while someone would call your skanky ass back. Liv Tyler?Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. I can't fucking stand her ...so whiny. AND crossed eyed. Can't even look! That Tom Hanks music movie set me over the edge with her crossed eyes and stupid dialogue: "these lips don't deserve to be kissed by you"...or whatever the fuck. And then her dumb friend, Gwyneth. Oh god! Can't bare/bear her. Take your faux accent, bony ass back to England to your friend Madonna, fart (she was just hospitalized for gas!) yourself back. I don't want to hear your views on anything. Also-that apple kid-oy. an alien. Her eyes are so bizarre. God, i gotta stop.

No, wait...who else? Is there anyone more entertaining than these ho-bags of a brood-The Kardashian/Jenners? What a story. Makes me squint and tenses up my forehead trying to get all of them straight. Bruce was married to Linda Thompson, Brody Jenner's mom who was dating Elvis before he croaked. And then Bruce took up with Kris who was married to that OJ lawyer, who also croaked. (Lot's of dying in that family...maybe someone should send out a memo...) And then the girls and one boy are from both dads. Which all leads me to The Hills-which was View From The Fourth Row's epic. How much you wanna bet Bee Schaffer said to mummy Anna Wintour, poshly-get those girls off Teen Vogue, that's my baby and they're more known and important and prettier than me. MUMMY!!!! LC and whiny Whitney Port were upstaging Bee. Whatever Bee wants, mama gets. Bee's so ordinary. If you dropped her into a Maid to Order scenario in the mall of america and stripped her finer things, she would be like any other teen in the USA. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

That's enough. i didn't think that fuchsia patent shoe would take me this far...but it has and it did. God-I love me some Loubies!!!!

Foxymorons on 6th

I am so jazzed for fashion week to start I can feel the castinettes begin to tap on their own. I'm trying to decide on my look-fuchsia (again, always ruffled front bias cut Galliano gown), slutty heels (of course) and that flamenco guitar-i love it but a bitch when I need to pee in those ghetto stalls. And I always have to pee at Bryant Park. That goddamned Starbucks is no help at 42nd so it's either Starbucks at 41st and Bway OR pale and farty soups on 42nd. The Gap is good too but sometimes a 4pm you just cant walk that far. I need a stroller! Kind of like that red neck sports bar on 41st. I have all the cars park there during shows because I'm so tired fighting the nicoles, the ninas and the amys for my goddmaned four door.
I ordered a car too, bitches! Ah....The excitement! Love to hate. Smells fresh.

I just can't wait to study the new talent of Fall/Winter 2008/2009. Who is going to even try to take my seat? Who is going to sit with sunglasses on during a show-besides Anna. Who is going to be dressed head to toe in one designer (TT Always) and which new stylist on the scene is going to have his or her client with them or they or it and will give you that look when they almost want YOU to get up off your one inch square wooden chair and give up YOUR seat for...Teri Hatcher??????? GOD-some celebs may make it this time because they've been out of work and have made enough dental appointments and worn their baggy sweats...wait....why do they always say that? Doesn't anyone dress like a hot and horny whore, anymore? BAGGY, sweaty sweatpants. ummmmmmm, that's HOT. no wonder everyone is cheating in Holywood...they all look like fleecy potato sacks.I need to see at least both Trollsen's, someone connected to Nicole Richie and at least a Beyonce, Rihanna. What will I get? Kathy Griffin. Funny but I don't want her to be my token celeb thrill.

I can't wait to see how the Bazaar (Nicole, and the other one) crew think they're the most important and GB's looks, waiting for some Editor to yell at someone else on a cellphone like Atoosa Paloosa did a few embarrassing years ago when she was at Cosmo Girl! The new page six six six vixens try to scam and sulk their row position...i'd like to time how long Elizabeth Saltzman stands for before no one notices her and she finally sits because everyone is going more nuts over a newer, fresher Audrina. (Does La Liz EVER just sit and wait? NO). What else...oh, let's just see.

Ciao Bella!

So many bloggers and people are so upset and depressed over the demise of View From The Fourth Row.com. I'm with all y'all! Hi ya'll! I think I started this whole blogging charade based on the fact that this grand website existed and maybe I could do it too or at least be an accomplice, enabler, you name it. I couldn't show my face because I would've been drop-kicked up Times Square to Hearst and then back again...hair flying, stiletto's snapping, guitar broken...But I have, as Hillary Clinton has, found my voice.

Ah-so, adieu View.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD, PAPI!