Ah...Charocuchicuchi is so sleepy...but before I set my hair in rollers I must awaken and DISCUSS The Hills! What a major event! The most important return to television EVER! Let's cut to the chase: this is like a star wars love story...
-Heidi Montag: almost completely unrecognizable! Go Heidi, get your nose done, Go Heidi...I am living for her stepfather who was having none of Spencer! (And Heidi, who may be the REAL star of this show-dropped her NEW single. Does everyone have to be a triple threat? ...I wasted three minutes of my life for that..and won't again...)
-Lauren:she is going to work for KELLY CUTRONE? KELLY COU-TORTURE? Is she smoking crack? Kelly ripped Lauren a new crevice last year...and she wants more? Oh Lauren, all the ladies from the Real Housewives of the OC are WAITING for you!!! Time to retire or work on a new expression, or eating because girlfriend is too thin...or work on your line...it needs it, babes. just being honest. Can't wait for Kelly to sit and watch Lauren at work. Who will cry first? She cried when she tried to do stitching on her Ferretti dress....
WAIT! CAN WE ALL STOP BREATHING AND REFLECT ON THE FOXY-MORONS ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES ON NYC? WHY IS
BETTHANY ON THIS SHOW? SHE AIN'T MARRIED AND THAT HOMO IS NOT MARRYING HER. SPEAKING OF HOMO'S-THE HOTEL MANAGER WHO SPEAKS IN OTHER LANGUAGES AND WEARS UGLY,BORROWED CAVALLI AND SAYS HE PLUNKS DOWN CASH FOR? THE KIDS NEED TO STAGE A MINI REVOLUTION AND TAKE OVER. TOO MANY TRANSPLANTS TOO. NO ONE IS A TRUE BLUE MANHATTANITE...COUNTESS!!!!!I CAN'T STOP!! BUT I MUST....
Back to The Hills: Whitney...poor, boring Whitney. Who cares except the nice people. Audrina missing but on the phone.
KIMBALL HASTINGS: so bitchy...and that bitch left to work VIP at Ralph Lauren Collection. Be nice to Whitney, boy...she's a designer now....and p.s. Why would you ever give that TVogue gig up? BECAUSE TEEN VOGUE PULLED THE PLUG ON THE HILLS SO BEE CAN RELAX AN RECLAIM HER BORING, PULSELESS THRONE WITH MAMA.
She-Pratt: kind of special. What's her dealio? What does she want? A fashion line at Kitson? YIkes.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....oohhhh....so much more but so little time, darlings.
Party on. We miss you VIEW FROM THE FOURTH ROW! Watch me milk it! Mooooooo!
Aiyayayayai!
-CUCHICUCHI
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2 comments:
The HILLS are alive! VFTFR here, making a rare appearance via Cuchi's site...ay ya yi! While Cuchi strums her flamenco guitar, I must bring out my tambourine (I too am a triple threat) and beat along to the rhythms of The HILLS debut last season cliff-hanger. WTF? I was confused before it even began. And the scenes from next week? Kelly Cutrone from People's Revolution? Ay-ya-yi! And did the producers really allow dumb ass LC (I liked her better as LC) BURN her AF dress? And can we alert hotel management at The Grand in Paris that dumbass blondes from the O.C. are staying at their hotel and don't know how to unplug a curling iron when they're done with it so to have cute French fireman on stand by?!!) WTF? And then Kimball? The bitchiest of them all. There is nothing more Eve Harrington than a gay man in fashion. Well, except for that saccharin sweet editor (we have all come across a few of those in our lives) who you just know is a BAD APPLE! Rotten to the core! You know...the wolf in sheep's clothing. Ay-ya-yi! I think this would mean Whitney! All sweet with no personality -- you know the kind -- she is Danger, Will Robinson! Abort! Abort!!
thank you vftft and cuchi for so eloquently saying EXACTLY what I am thinking. more on the nyc-trash housewives please! by the way i happened to see alex and her faux-telier husband in bklyn the other night, and i'm happy to report no cavalli in sight, and her hair was blown out, thank goodness.
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