Ah...Charocuchicuchi is so sleepy...but before I set my hair in rollers I must awaken and DISCUSS The Hills! What a major event! The most important return to television EVER! Let's cut to the chase: this is like a star wars love story...

-Heidi Montag: almost completely unrecognizable! Go Heidi, get your nose done, Go Heidi...I am living for her stepfather who was having none of Spencer! (And Heidi, who may be the REAL star of this show-dropped her NEW single. Does everyone have to be a triple threat? ...I wasted three minutes of my life for that..and won't again...)

-Lauren:she is going to work for KELLY CUTRONE? KELLY COU-TORTURE? Is she smoking crack? Kelly ripped Lauren a new crevice last year...and she wants more? Oh Lauren, all the ladies from the Real Housewives of the OC are WAITING for you!!! Time to retire or work on a new expression, or eating because girlfriend is too thin...or work on your line...it needs it, babes. just being honest. Can't wait for Kelly to sit and watch Lauren at work. Who will cry first? She cried when she tried to do stitching on her Ferretti dress....

WAIT! CAN WE ALL STOP BREATHING AND REFLECT ON THE FOXY-MORONS ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES ON NYC? WHY IS
BETTHANY ON THIS SHOW? SHE AIN'T MARRIED AND THAT HOMO IS NOT MARRYING HER. SPEAKING OF HOMO'S-THE HOTEL MANAGER WHO SPEAKS IN OTHER LANGUAGES AND WEARS UGLY,BORROWED CAVALLI AND SAYS HE PLUNKS DOWN CASH FOR? THE KIDS NEED TO STAGE A MINI REVOLUTION AND TAKE OVER. TOO MANY TRANSPLANTS TOO. NO ONE IS A TRUE BLUE MANHATTANITE...COUNTESS!!!!!I CAN'T STOP!! BUT I MUST....

Back to The Hills: Whitney...poor, boring Whitney. Who cares except the nice people. Audrina missing but on the phone.

KIMBALL HASTINGS: so bitchy...and that bitch left to work VIP at Ralph Lauren Collection. Be nice to Whitney, boy...she's a designer now....and p.s. Why would you ever give that TVogue gig up? BECAUSE TEEN VOGUE PULLED THE PLUG ON THE HILLS SO BEE CAN RELAX AN RECLAIM HER BORING, PULSELESS THRONE WITH MAMA.

She-Pratt: kind of special. What's her dealio? What does she want? A fashion line at Kitson? YIkes.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....oohhhh....so much more but so little time, darlings.

Party on. We miss you VIEW FROM THE FOURTH ROW! Watch me milk it! Mooooooo!

Aiyayayayai!

-CUCHICUCHI

-

BITCHES!

Charocuchicuchi was off at a rehab with Dr. Drew and Phil taking a much needed break. It's been a while and I haven't posted a thing. I kind of worked thru my withdrawal with Chyna Doll and Jeff Conaway (God! What a waste! i lovvvvvved him-ai yay yai!) from View from The Fourth Row. My cell was quilted Chanel beige and while my guitar gently wept in the corner because I couldnt bring myself to play it....I realized it's time to snap the fuck out of it and deal.

A few questions I needed to throw out there...

Why does KCD treat me like shit? Really now. I just can't fucking stand it. The sneering...the tone...that air kiss that's not really meant to be planted anywhere near the cheek. This also goes for pr insulting and other shit houses located across the pond...

Why has Lauren abandoned Teen Vogue ( I say Bee and Co. were pissed that LC is becoming bigger than her internship and she couldnt stand it-"Mummy, fire the bitch!") and why is Whitney thinking about working for Kelly Cutrone?

Why is the promo for The Hills the most important and exciting 3 minutes on television?

Why does everyone call Nina-Meana-behind and infront of her back?

Where the hell was TT during all of this? She fell off the radar..

And why have totally heinous people suddenly resurfaced in top jobs????

I'm still detoxing...so if anyone can send me a note of love and answers to any of this shit, i would appreciate it!

Ciao Ciao!!!

-cuchi2